Last week I was innocently working on my project on evolution for biology class, when I stumbled upon a very rare journal by one Charles Darwin! I'll let you all read:

1831,

I have been aboard the English survey ship, the HMS Beagle, for many a month now. God, I wish I could get off. These long days and nights at sea are driving me mad. I don't trust Hines. He's been looking at me quite strangely as of late. He's been licking his lips and snapping his fingers every time I walk by. I'm afraid to sleep at night. I hear moaning and spanking from the room next to mine. My only escape from this madness is thinking about by beautiful girlfriend Sandra. Every night I look at her photo, at her pearly white skin, and vigorously spank my monkey. I can't wait to return to my home and have a romantic dinner with her. Candle light, a soft violin song, fine champagne, and luscious lobster. After dinner I'm planning on screwing the hell out of her.

Last week we stopped at an archipelago off of the coast of Ecuador known as the Galapagos islands. I have noticed that each island has different variations of similar species. For example, I have noticed that the island known as Santa Fe has a form of finch with an exceptionally small penis, but on the island of Isabela dwells a finch with a 12 inch genitalia. Most impressive.

Each island also seems to have it's own form of turtle. I have enclosed a photo of an exceptionally haunting creature. There seems to live a strange creature known as "Turtle Man" on one of the islands. This animal has the body of a human being, but the face of a turtle! The creature also seems to wear clothes, although where he got them are a hot subject of debate. The creature seems to have something wrong with its eyes and no apparent nose. We watched the creature very closely. I was standing on a rock nearby, when the animal stood up and said, "git off my land, you damn kids!" We were astonished. The creature could speak English! The creature seemed to have trouble standing up, and used a cane like object to support itself. It had friends too! And they all seemed to be playing an odd game where a head Turtle Man called out numbers and letters and the other creatures placed markers on boxes with the same number and letter! It looked quite interesting. Then, all of a sudden, a Turtle Man let out a haunting cry. "ShhhhIgotbingo," it sounded like it said. Then, all of the other Turtle Men let out a scream and fled. The Turtle Man in the photo stood around for a moment, then put on a John Deer hat, and ran away as well. Silence followed.

This is my only account of the strange Turtle Men. We have yet to ever see them again.

Charles Robert Darwin

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