Have I got a story for all of you guys and girls!!! I have just seen one of the coolest movies of all time!!!! Yesterday I was at my local adult video and film store, innocently looking for a follow up to the cinematic masterpiece that was "The Muppets Get Fucked," when what did I see? That's right, the cult classic, "Planet Of The Apes That Have Sex," was starring me right in the face!!! I yelled out a cry of extreme happiness, rushed to the cash register, paid my fee, and rode home ASAP.

My hands were shaking as I put the video into my VCR. Anticipation built, as the movie was displayed in all of its glory:

"Narrator: The Planet of the Apes, a planet with many, many apes. This is the story of a planet where man no longer rules, a planet where apes go to college, get drunk, and most importantly, screw on a daily basis. It is a place to be feared......"

A park scene is then presented, where a group of scholar apes are talking amongst themselves.

"Hemulas: I do say Clomidis, this tea is rather divine, don't you think?

Clomidis: Oh, yes. Smashingly good, don't you agree Apemonkeyis?

Apemonkeyis: My lord, yes! Say, Amarteh, what do you think of the new library hall? Not as admirable as Swenson hall, don't you think?

Amarteh: My dear, dear, Apemonkeyis. There is not a hall in the whole universe as agreeable as Swenson hall. I shall like to spend many a gay day there, reading the fine works of such brilliant writers as William Shakespearape, Margarett Atmonkey, and Jane 'Gorilla' Austen.

Clomidis: Yes, I must confess a certain affection for that hall. But on a homosexual day such as this, I have a calling for just sitting outside, talking fine architecture, and scratching away fleas.

Hemulas: Oh, look to the south friends, here comes that whore 'Sally the Ape.'

Clomidis: Dear lord.....

Sally the Ape: Yooohoooo!!!!! Hey there fellas! Whatcha up to?

Clomidis: Nothing the likes of wich you would be interested.

Sally the Ape: Ohhhhhh, I dunno about that cutie. Tee-hee, I read a lot of books, banana pants.

Hemulas: Is that so? Well perhaps you could entertain us with your knowledge of the great Charles Primate Dickens.

Sally the Ape: Ohhhhh, I know a whole lot about dicks, sugar.

Amarteh: Yes, so we've heard.......Tell me, why do you feel it necessary to wander around wearing those ridiculous clothes? My word, my dear lady, you must understand that we are a society of only the best scholar apes in the world, and we don't take kindly to women such as yourself.

Sally the Ape: Ohhhhh, come on now gorilla bottoms, what do ya'll say about me blowin' you all up and seeing how ya'll like me then?

Clomidis: My dear, we have no interest about receiving oral sex from a fiend such as yourself.

Amarteh: I second Clomidis, we have achieved a status that does not require us to partake in such 'human' acts.

Hemulas: I rather spend my day reading a good book by Evelyn Waughachimp then to insert my genitalia into your cavernous mouth. Apemonkeyis, escort this woman out.

Hemulas: Apemonkeyis??...........Apemonkeyis.......??

Apemonkeyis: Holy shit!!! This hoe's gonna pickle my banana!!! YEAH BABY MONKEY, YEAH!!! Come on honey, lemme show ya some sites that will really rock your post-apocalyptic earth!!!

Sally the Ape: Tee-hee, 'bout time I lived up to the ol' fraise, 'You are what you stick in your mouth!"

Wow, all I can say is, wow!!! That movie was awesome!!! Rent it my friends, you won't be disappointed!!!

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