Today I was innocently at the post office, mailing some CSU scholarship application shit, when the man at the front desk said that he was holding a post card for me. I wondered why. I mean, why can't they just mail it to me? Then I found out. No one would touch the postcard. My inbox contained a postcard from none other than my crazy Uncle Richard. I groaned as I stared at the photo on the front, and then immediately flipped to the text on the back:

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! Howdy there Silveromen!!!! Well, I couldn't stay away. I left Schlongville for a few weeks, but now I'm back again!! That place is cocktastic! I love it, and the misses loves it too! I showed you "El Grande" last time, now let me introduce you to a new local delight. Towards the south of Schlongville is a quaint little inn known as 'Penis Inn.' It's a great little bed and breakfast place, with some of the best food in the world. Me and the wife had a seat, and were waited on by a very nicely built man, sporting a bow tie, slacks, and no shirt. He asked us what we wanted, and I took a look at the menu. The beverage list was quite intriguing. I asked the man what year the jizz was, he said 98 (which is a very good year). I said that we would start out with a bottle of that. I flipped the pages of the menu. I asked the waiter if the pene was tough. He said it was very tender. I decided to have the "Pene With Vegetables," the wife decided to have the "Stallion Surprise." Our food arrived piping hot! It was such a wonderful experience, sipping the jizz and eating the pene. Such, soft, warm, textures, so many veins. Oh, we where in heaven. Oh, gotta go, some guys are knocking on my hotel door right now. Later Silveromen!

-------Uncle Richard (Your Favorite Uncle)"

--------------------------------------------